Mine was quick & shocking. How nothing and everything seemed to converge into oblivion.  How can you tell what’s real and what’s a dream?

The little things that you think don’t matter will start to add up and you end up standing upside down, thinking back 24 hours or so, “How did I get here?” All of it from the miniscule secrets kept

I was once a child.  I was slightly normal.  Never once back then, would I think I would’ve ended up how I am. I think in another life I went back and told myself some words of advice.

We all have something in common: the drowning mistress, the cat in the hallway, my aunt, the train I missed, the wall that wasn’t ever finished & the girl on the swing.  We all have nine lives and are all half dead.  We’ve all somehow survived this far.  We’re all crooked trees with similar stories & different lives, just waiting to start.

Slow and steady, because at any minute, we could all fall, like dominos. We’re all addicted to a certain kind of Nirvana, which most only see in a very deep sleep or when their nine lives have ran out.

Time’s up.

Life itself is a dead forest full of crooked trees, where straight ones are chopped down, making the crooked ones believe they are still alive. Sometimes I ask myself, “What happened to make me like this?” But then I remember, I’ve always been bitter and cold.

      Sometimes dead trees start to think they can grow new life, but then they wake up and realize they have been listening to the cat in the hallway for too long & need to snap back into reality….

     What happens to the crooked trees to make them so bitter? Where do all the twists & scars & bruises & marks come from? Maybe they are in a way trying to convince one another that everything will be fixed; they will once again come back to life; grow stems, leaves, branches. Then fall and winter will come again & their leaves will die again, but they’re already dead.  What beautiful trees ever come back to life?

     There was once a small girl that made a rope swing on one of these trees. She would spend hours out in the woods singing, swinging & was able to forget what lies within.  She just stayed outside. One day, seven years later, she disappeared and nobody knew what had happened to her.

     Everybody thought she was a happy little girl, and she was, but that day a man walked into the woods and told her to come to Wonderland with him, and she was never seen again.

the end of something beautiful

suffering @ 7

I’ve been suffering since I was seven

I’ve never told anyone, only my friends

I am not a sad story, nor am I weak

I seek no attention, but only to be seen as normal

I’ve been suffering since I was 7

I’ve been touched by the hands of the one I called dad

I’ve seen bags of grass and snow in the hands of the one I called mom

I’ve wrapped death around my neck and wrists only to be ignored and suffer longer

I’ve starved, living off of noodles and bread.

I’ve seen a man speak to death and be accepted

I’ve been suffering since I was 7

I’ve inhaled the vulgar smoke by my hand

I’ve drowned in Depression and Anxiety

I’ve wanted so badly to speak to death but then,

I found a reason

A reason to live

A reason to breathe

A reason to stay

I don’t suffer anymore

I only live

I only breathe

I only smile

simply because

I know it’s going to be okay

I know someone knows what I’ve been through

I know my mother died, not by my hand.

I know it’s going to be okay because it’s going to get better

Maybe not today maybe not tomorrow.

But it will be

And it makes me feel better to know that.

But as for you

If you think no one loves you

Think again

If you know you want to die

Know again

If you think that no one cares

I care

I care if you die, cry, or hurt yourself

but as I said before

It’s going to be okay, even if you have had awful things happen to you

It’s going to be okay.

In the darkest hour of my darkest night
I dreamt that you were here lying next to me
I could breathe your warmth and feel your touch
As I melted into memories the darkness swallowed me
It choked and squeezed
Grasping my lungs and ripping my heart out
And I finally realized that I messed up your life
But that still didn’t give you the right to destroy me
My soul dies slow from all the pain you caused
Alone I’ll cry
You tried so hard to break me
You left a hole where my heart should be
I wake with a shudder and the thought of you still fresh in my mind
You may have stolen and broken my heart
But I had it first.

by Samantha

Fear, horror, pain, What could I possibly have to gain? Constantly put down by you, What do I amount to? According to you I am nothing, A nobody, I am worthless, Never to be loved by anybody. I don’t believe you, You manipulate and misconstrue, None of what you say is true. You are wrong, I AM strong, I do have a purpose in life, Just not the one that you define.

A NEW JOURNAL FOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS Printed IN A PSYCH HOSPITAL

You can’t always get what you want. That was the number one thing I learned as a kid. Sometimes you can’t get what you need either. The world isn’t sunshine and rainbows.  Its storm clouds and lightning. Dark and scary. Life was hard. Living on the streets, rarely getting more than one meal a day. School was never an option.  I grew up learning the wisdom from my mother. I never really had any friends. New York is a big city, and we moved around a lot. But, even though we lived in poverty, I was happy. Happy and content. The negative of the world doesn’t affect me. I can see the light that resides above the dark, damp streets. And every day I strived to get to that light. It seems I have no other way to get there but on my own. I couldn’t expect help from my mother. All I could do was write. Write about each and every thing that happened in my life. And that’s how I ended up here. Writing novels that have made me the richest author in America.  So, to all you kids out there who think they can’t do anything with their lives, just remember. All you have to do is find your thing.  Everyone has one. Mine just happens to be writing. Never give up. There’s always a light to strive towards. Always.

These Strings Hold Me Up..

They Are Slowly Breaking …… I Wonder Why…

I Can’t Seem To Get It Through My Head At

The Slightest..These Strings Are My Emotions..

25 Strings Have Already Broken … I’m Only

Left With 3 More…But Another One Is Fixing

To Break..My Emotions Are Slowly Fading…

I Don’t Really Care Or Show Any Type Of

Emotion… It’s Like My Mind Stopped Working…

These Strings Are What Held Me Up.. I Need

My Strings To Reconnect Without Them I

Will Fall…But I Know I’m Not Alone.

Because Others In This World Fall And

Don’t Know What The Point Of Life Is

Too.

I’m the Angel of Birds. I fell from the heavens, and everyday I hope that I could go back. But before I got my name, “Angel of Birds,” I was just an angel. But believe it or not I’m not the only one that has been saved, the birds also saved me. It all started when I was falling from my home. I never hit the ground, my friends the birds saved me. They helped me in many ways. They helped me turn my wings back to white. They helped me turn my dark into light. The birds helped me a lot every since they have helped me be good I got to go back to heaven. But I decided to stay with the birds as they helped me. So once again I am a angel but now I am a guardian angel. And that’s why they call “The Angel of Birds.”

My name is Kat, and I am a caterpillar. Not literally of course, I’m human. Metaphorically speaking, however, I am a caterpillar. I’m inside of a cocoon. Most butterflies feel safe and happy when they’re in a cocoon but I have to try extremely hard to feel anything but trapped. See, my cocoon is a hospital. I don’t have a broken wing or fluid build up in my lungs, but I’m sick. My mind is sick. Most peoples are.

See , everyone’s a little crazy. Just like every butterfly has bright, colorful wings. I’m just nit a butterfly yet. My mind, like my personality, and everything else about me is going through changes. The hospital, my cocoon, is only keeping me safe while I transform. Once I’m safe, I’ll leave my cocoon. That time, thankfully is coming very soon.  Because of this, I am very thankful. But at the same time, I’m glad  that I was not alone during my transformation. I’m thankful for all the crazy caterpillars that stuck with me during this time. I don’t hope that they’re transformation is soon because I know it is.

So literally, Thank You. You’ve been great.