People. People in the back of my head. Screaming. Screaming at me. Calling my name and telling me what to do. There are little people inside my head, crawling around and demanding my obedience. They reach through my eyes and pull back my lids, peer through the empty wholes where my eyes used to be and take a look at the world around me. They tear me apart; inside out, outside in. I used to try to fight them, use all of my energy just to make them stop. Scream at the top of my lungs to try to drown out the voices. But I became exhausted; they sucked out all of my energy and made me weak. I bend to their every will, I carry out their commands. My mind is not my own. There is no democracy in my brain; I have no say or no right to an opinion. My opinion doesn’t matter in a dictatorship.
They speak all at once, some quiet… just like a whisper in the wind; others, practically bang on my eardrums. I can’t tell which thoughts are real, or if I have ever even had one single thought of my own.
I sit back and wonder what silence is. I have never experienced even a second of it. Is it calm like and autumn leaf falling gently on a lake, sending little ripples dancing across the water. Or is it suffocating? Would the silence be as loud as the voices, or maybe even louder? Gasping for air, but it is too thick to swallow, drenched in silence. Cascading over me like a rogue wave, swallowing me and drowning me in silence.
I like the people in my head. Any company is good company. Without them… there would be no me.
The 360 West Project 